So now we give bravo stickers for gaining weight?!

Its official. I have hit a wall. I knew at some point in this journey I was going to get angry at this system and I would boil over to the point of attempting to cut someone. That day is today. I had a feeling going into today's weigh in that I wasn't going to loose anything. But thats something we say to ourselves so that when we do loose weight we can be really excited. Except for when we don't loose anything. Ugh. I would like to point out that I am a very angry, hungry person who also recently quit a bad habit not related to food, so all in all am ready to kick a baby.

So with that said having today's meeting be about adding exercise to your week made me even more heated. Add exercise??? Add exercise??? When?!?!?!?! I am working out almost every day you bastards!!! Ok sorry... I digress. At one point in the meeting we all talk about scale or non-scale victories and the leader acknowledges them with stupid stickers. (I will say when I am in a better mood I am happy to accept these stickers).

So a girl raises her hand and give this long speech about how she had a cake decorator as a friend and had a cookout, blah blah blah, then "so I am proud cause I only gained .4 pounds!" Then everyone proceeds to clap. You can tell I have past the point of no return when "so we are giving bravo stickers for gaining weight now?" comes out of my mouth. I meant this isn't Weight Gainers lady. Harsh?? Sure. But you try doing zero exercise and eat negative one healthy foods and completely turn that around and be in a good mood when you loose zero. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok so to get out some of this aggression I decided to go for a a jog with my dog. Something happened!!! A very cute italian man jogged by me (shirtless of course) who I have seen before. We will call the shirtless runner Luigi, since I have no clue what his name actually is. I awkwardly oogle him since he put it out there and then, Luigi looks at me a smiles while jogging the other direction "hey i've seen you before." I laugh like a doof, "Yeah".... thats all that came out of my mouth. Since I took his statement to actually mean "I'd like to make out with you" I suppose I found it hard to reply.

Its amazing what a very attractive shirtless man will do for the soul. In fact where the hell is that book?!?! Screw chicken soup.

Boogie Down the Pounds!

So in an effort to keep us motivated I decided that for a rainy day at Audrey's house I would pick up some workout dvd's since walking wasn't really an option. I had every intention of getting serious workout dvd's until I stumbled across this gem... Richard Simmon's Boogie Down the Pounds. The disco workout dvd. Jamming to 70's top musical hits. What. A. Find.

So I kept it a secret from Audrey since I wanted her to still be friends with me. Well I shouldn't have been so surprised to see how excited she was to participate... I mean, its Audrey. Duh.

So we start the dvd and at first we are slightly confused, Richard stumbles across his friends on the street who just happened to be standing outside of this building, that they all happen to walk inside of that is pitch black, then the lights start to fade on and you see disco balls and then poof!!!! We are working out.

Thats right... his friends didn't change clothes. Poof! working out. I'm talking full make up, some earrings, jeans or dress pants working out. How does one work out in such attire? We quickly realized that we were either really really in our element, or so far out of it we can't even see the element. On one hand this gave us both motivation that this workout will be easy. On the other hand, we just jazzed hands towards the tv and Richard told us how proud and happy he was we were there, so it could be a little bit of both.

There isn't enough blog available to describe this workout. Thats all I can really say. I have a feeling Audrey would like to say a few words since she had such a fun time 'diva-ing' this dvd out. Audrey?

O.M.G. Richard Simmons nearly killed me. When Sara revealed what her mysterious purchase was I was immediately excited. I thought "how can this NOT be fun?!"

How wrong I was! I had no idea doing Richard's "showgirl" move or his disco dance would so throughly kick my ass. By the middle of the DVD (that's right it was DVD not a VHS!) all I could think was "Fuck you and your little shorts Richard Simmons." (vulgar language is completely appropriate for this occasion).

If I been doing this by myself I would have quit during the boogie down the pounds version of Barry Manilow's Mandy but Sara made me finish it. Needless to say there was quite a bit of flailing happening on my part so I may have done more damage and good through my Richard Simmons work out as my back really hurt like a mother...

Despite all this, there is a good chance Boogie Down the Pounds will happen again. Let's face it I'm a glutton for punishment... (and also our next post will be about our venture to a "Latin Heat" class that made Richard's work out look PRE-TTY good in comparison....)

Genes and Collard Greens

Well hello everyone!

Audrey and I have been off losing so much weight we didn't have time to blog :) Okay thats not the truth, but we have been loosing weight! Rather than jinx our amazeballs progress, we will keep those numbers a secret for now... Unless of course you've been within earshot of me as I have been broadcasting my numbers the minute I step off the scale.(Sorry to those who have been subject to my constant announcement, I am clearly just in shock).

So I pondered whether or not I should try and catch you up on all the things that have happened since poor Audrey's pumpkin bread mishap. Instead I would rather just tell you about our most recent meeting. The meeting when things got real....

Yes, Audrey and I were aware that at some point during our chubby people AA meetings that someone, somewhere would stop making jokes about their need to eat poorly and in fact turn into debbie downers. Well.... it happened. I have to say I felt quite badly for the older woman who began to talk about her dislike of herself. But then.... like a ray of light someone interrupted.

"I just tell people that I get my bottom from genes and collard greens." Thank you. Thank you slightly insensitive woman with a big mouth. You have pulled me out of the suction of sadness and reminded me that I need to work on some sort of rhyme for myself. Although, genes and Popeyes just doesn't have the same ring to it.