Monday, July 25, 2011

The Accidental Jog

So I will make this one short and sweet. If you don't want to die, don't jog in really hot weather.

I don't ever follow my own rules, so here is how this one goes:

I was trying to figure out a way to make my puppy tired because she always looks at me like this:




And I wanted her
to look like this:








In any case, that lead me outside on Saturday at 2pm right around the time you would consider frying an egg on your own car. So we started walking through the trails (I had geared up in workout clothes only to avoid getting my regular clothes sweaty) and in no time I realized Olive was not anywhere close to tired.

And then something happened.... I started jogging. It wasn't on purpose but simply in an effort to tire my pup out quickly. And then I was jogging some more and before I knew it I was in a full blown work out. What was I thinking?!?! It was a gagillion degrees outside?!?! I wanted to punch myself but had zero energy to do so. By the time I started back home I was at the point of dehydration and considered licking a puddle.

When my tingly body finally got back to my house I was looking rough. I happened to notice my face was a separate shade of red then the rest of my body and I felt like I could spontaneously combust. As you can see here, I was at the very least trying to remain positive:









What ended up happening was delirium set in.... I cannot recall much after this last photo, but I am pretty sure it involved me running around my house with no clothes on and taking the longest straight cold shower I had ever had:












So! Lesson learned.... it would have been easier to sniff a Sharpie a few times to reach that type of bodily malfunction.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Hot as Balls Yoga

I mean hot bikram yoga. Ok so thanks to living social I let my friend Meghan convince me to join her for the deal of a lifetime! 5 classes of hot bikram yoga for $25 smackers.

Now for those of you that may not be familiar with this form of yoga, it is basically regular yoga in a room that is 105 degrees...... for 90 minutes. I'm not gonna lie, I failed to read that last part, so it was to my delight in an already hot room to find out I would be in there for over an hour. Yeesh.

So I went out with some friends the night before and like a good girl, I avoided drinking. The truth was I was so paranoid I would keel over and die, so I wanted to make sure I didn't reak of booze when it happened. Coincidentally I had an asthma attack that very evening for the first time in perhaps a decade after battling it out on the dance floor with 3 guys who were egging me on. Due to my state of sober, I participated to keep myself amused only to immediately regret all the showing off I did approximately 5 minutes after it ended (this was after I had to convince the main character to put me down in his attempt to out do me by picking me up off the ground.... if we have met, you know that is a huge no no for me).

In any case, I now had this lingering feeling that my asthma attack was Jesus's way of telling me to stay out of that hot room. I should listen to Him right? As I have done too many times before, I clearly did not take Jesus's sign to stay away and I participated anyhow. Ugh.

So Meghan and I get in the room, and at first, not so bad... very smelly, but not bad. I will say though after about 10 minutes I was left wondering why we went in so soon, clearly we had another 10 minutes before it got started. Then we begin. I can say that the very first thing I did which was put my arms over my head, I began to get dizzy and started seeing spots. WTF?!?! How the hell was I gonna make it through 90 minutes if I can't put my arms over my head after 10! Good gracious, fortunately I bounced back and Meghan and I trucked along slowly. We certainly weren't any yoga masters and had to take pauses here and there, but us out of shape ladies managed to NOT exit the room and stick it out for the entire session. Amazeballs. Truthfully, I would have felt just as bad had I done no yoga at all and just sat there in that crazy room.

I have never sweat that much in my life. My shins sweat, my toes and my forearms. Yeah.... all places you wouldn't think that would happen. I was one slippery beast after it was done. We took our red sweaty asses out to the lobby to chill and I pulled out a snack. Meghan promptly looked at me and asked if we could head to the car. Fine by me! I'm ready to get in the..... hooooaaahhhhh.....Meghan projectile vomits on the sidewalk. Oh shizzzz! Here it comes again... hoooaaahhhh.... in the grass.

She looks back at me and hands me her things as she begins to stumble to the car. "Well I hope... hooooaaaahhhhh..... this doesn't deter you from ..... hoooaaaahhhh.... doing this with me again."

No Meghan. It doesn't. :)