So I realize I should space these out some, but who cares when you have this much ammo. So I'm not sure where I should begin, this is sort of a combo blog. As you know I am online dating, but have not stopped trying to meet people out and about like normal social people do. Neither has proved to be a success and for reasons I will share with you here. (This might seem lengthy but totally worth it)
First up. Rock and Roll Hotel. While I love this place I have managed to meet some real strange cookies in this bar. Just a couple weeks ago I was there and exchanged phone numbers with an attractive (problem #1.... I know, you'd think being attractive is not a problem, but it is when they know it.) young man, who I had little conversation with (problem #2). I don't care about giving out my number because well I can just ignore you later, it is an easy way to end conversation if you ask me. So anyhow, long story short, this euro pro basketball player (I know I scoffed to, no one cares about Italy's basketball team) ended up being a total pushy creeper that tried to get me to meet him at his house. Obviously I didn't want to get cut into pieces so I declined and he threw an adult temper tantrum complete with "Lose my number, have a nice day." Then two seconds later a phone call I didn't answer and a text.. "call me baby." I won't go into all the reasons this is crazy to me, but lets just say there won't be any save the dates going out.
Then just the other night I spent the night dancing with a total nerd/slightly douche gentleman, because I was bored, and even though I wasn't interested in him I thought he was harmless and relatively sweet. He did at one point puppeteer my arms whilst dancing alla John Travolta Saturday Night Fever... I know. Then the end of the night rolled around and he asked me to dance with him again before we all left. When we finished he said nice meeting you, grabbed my shoulders and flipped me in the opposite direction of him and then with a little shove off said, "on your way.." and then patted me on the ass. I wanted to be offended since I wasn't interested and how dare he pat me on the ass and turn me away! But it was just to damn funny. In the moment though I thought of turning around and punching him in the face. That's right.... we PG girls don't slap, I would have just clocked you one in the eye for being that rude. Thank goodness I was so speechless that I walked out and took my aggression out on the bouncer by reenacting what I will now refer to as the butt patting incident of 2012.
So perhaps online dating isn't so bad? All of these regular weirdos at the bar are clearly just as ridiculous. Well then I got this email today from who I am sure is a lovely young gentleman. PS. this is totally real, I am simply copy and pasting:
"Hey how are you doing today? I have a question for you. How do you feel about me entertaining you by Me giving You a nice fun free strip show? And trust me its only entertainment, I don't want you thinking that I'm looking for sex."
Of course you aren't looking for sex, I always assume the best way to get to know someone in a non sexual manor is to get a strip tease. What else is that for? I mean, when is the last time that someone taking their clothes off to music slowly and sensually ended in sex? Mine always end in a hearty meal, usually some high fives followed by a game of rock paper scissors and some good old conversation. Thanks for the clarity buddy.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Still Burping Up Last Nights Dinner.
Gross right? What does this have to do with dating? Nothing. Well sort of, follow me if you will....
I have been dating now for a bit which means over the course of several months I've exchanged phone numbers, emails and high fives with severalgentlemen guys in the DMV. Some have been a few dates and it didn't work out, others just didn't work out. Either way, the key term to take away from these statements is.... didn't work out.
Now with that in mind I return to my blog title. Food is delicious, but have you ever had that lasting indigestion, where you burp hours later (maybe even a day because you are dysfunctional) and you can taste your previous meal?? Its not a good taste, because you were finished with your meal and well frankly, nothing tastes that good the second time around especially not in gaseous form. Well recently I have been contacted by some old dates..... you see where I'm going with this?
Look I hate to sound mean, but yes I am comparing being contacted by and old date that I didn't like to a smelly old burp. You know when it happens you were slightly reminded of the delicious meal you had, then the bad taste creeps in your mouth and your face turns sour....
Yep, that's about right. So the first was a very sweet gentleman who took me to a very nice restaurant (perhaps a little too classy for this gal) but I just wasn't feeling it. Unlike others, I had the common courtesy to tell him that, even though it was painfully awkward and one sided apparently... me being the side. Months later he emails me in a friendly tone, so I wrote back, like the dip shit I am. He quickly turned it back towards romantic and I bolted. Ugh... how do I not see these things coming??
The next couple were just plain silly. One I didn't even make it out on a date with because he sounded so creepy via text, that I politely cancelled. He then decided to try for round 2 recently...burnt. Nope. Do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars. Dude, you tried to get me to meet you at a hotel?! When I told you to fall off a cliff, what in the world made you think this was going to go in a different direction? Clearly I didn't respond... I wised up this time around, it only took my potential kidnapping to do so. The last one well, I can't say too much about, but we had zero in common, and yet somehow he still wants to get together. Gee, I wonder what for? Hmm lets see, we have nothing to talk about sooooo, yeah. Get real.
Come on guys! Lets get realistic here, you options aren't so bleak that you are turning yourself into a man whore or a stalker are they?! BUrrrrp......
I have been dating now for a bit which means over the course of several months I've exchanged phone numbers, emails and high fives with several
Now with that in mind I return to my blog title. Food is delicious, but have you ever had that lasting indigestion, where you burp hours later (maybe even a day because you are dysfunctional) and you can taste your previous meal?? Its not a good taste, because you were finished with your meal and well frankly, nothing tastes that good the second time around especially not in gaseous form. Well recently I have been contacted by some old dates..... you see where I'm going with this?
Look I hate to sound mean, but yes I am comparing being contacted by and old date that I didn't like to a smelly old burp. You know when it happens you were slightly reminded of the delicious meal you had, then the bad taste creeps in your mouth and your face turns sour....
Yep, that's about right. So the first was a very sweet gentleman who took me to a very nice restaurant (perhaps a little too classy for this gal) but I just wasn't feeling it. Unlike others, I had the common courtesy to tell him that, even though it was painfully awkward and one sided apparently... me being the side. Months later he emails me in a friendly tone, so I wrote back, like the dip shit I am. He quickly turned it back towards romantic and I bolted. Ugh... how do I not see these things coming??
The next couple were just plain silly. One I didn't even make it out on a date with because he sounded so creepy via text, that I politely cancelled. He then decided to try for round 2 recently...burnt. Nope. Do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars. Dude, you tried to get me to meet you at a hotel?! When I told you to fall off a cliff, what in the world made you think this was going to go in a different direction? Clearly I didn't respond... I wised up this time around, it only took my potential kidnapping to do so. The last one well, I can't say too much about, but we had zero in common, and yet somehow he still wants to get together. Gee, I wonder what for? Hmm lets see, we have nothing to talk about sooooo, yeah. Get real.
Come on guys! Lets get realistic here, you options aren't so bleak that you are turning yourself into a man whore or a stalker are they?! BUrrrrp......
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